How to Make Almond Milk

Step 1.

Don’t.

Step 2.

Seriously? Why?

Step 3. 

Do you really have the time and patience to make your own almond milk? That’s amazing. But… have you heard of television, though? It’s this magical light up rectangle that sits in your house and tells you stories. More importantly, it will keep you from wanting to milk an almond.

Step 4. 

You know you can just buy almond milk, right?

Step 5. 

How about books? They’re the slower, more boring version of TV that takes up a lot of time and makes your eyes tired. If you have the patience for making almond milk, books might be right up your alley.

Step 6. 

Where do you even find the nipple on an almond?

So what’s Snarky Self-Helper’s point? Making your own food is great, but there has to be a line, right? Life is too short to milk an almond.

PS: If you came here to find out how to actually make almond milk, here’s how. The first step is to soak the almonds for two days. Yep, that’s a ~great~ use of your time.

 

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