Well, everyone (mainly ladies and gay men – my two main demographics), tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. An amazing day to celebrate love with your special someone (and then post all about it on Facebook in an attempt to make everyone jealous). AKA a day for single people to loudly declare how much they love their independence while crying into a heart-shaped box of chocolates they bought themselves.  All around, a super fake, all for appearances holiday… that can make or break a relationship.

I know I’ve been giving my man a lot of crap. I believe very strongly that planning Valentine’s Day is a man’s job. And he better do it right, damn it. You may be asking: If Valentine’s Day is so important, couldn’t you plan it yourself? Shut your filthy mouth, that’s crazy feminist talk! Wait a second… I am a feminist. Or am I?

I think women should have all the same rights as men, but still be  allowed on the lifeboat first when the ship is sinking. That’s just common courtesy, damn it.

I was leaving a Piada the other day (side note: how freaking delicious is Piada?) as some guy was walking in. I was only a couple steps from the door, when the guy walked in. You hear me? He walked IN. And the door closed behind him. Excuse me? I was like three steps away. Why I do declare!

Now I don’t know if I expected him to hold the door for me because that’s basic manners, or if I expected him to hold the door because I’m a woman. I did have to stop and wonder if a man in the same situation would have thought twice about it. I, on the other hand, was greatly offended. “I bet that dude never gets laid” may have been a thought that crossed through my mind.I mean, obviously he has zero social skills and is just a pathetic loser for not holding the door for me. Evil little troll man.

I expect men to dispose of scary bugs, carry heavy things and hold doors open for me. However, I don’t think women should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. So am I still a feminist? Or am I some sort of selective feminist? A feminist when it’s convenient for me? I’m not sure.

There are times when it feels like a lose/lose situation. Saying you’re a feminist scares the crap out of people. I mean, I like wearing a bra and shaving. But those of us who consider ourselves “strong, independent women” (dare I say… feminists) also feel really pathetic when we expect men to do things like open doors. Makes me feel like I’m going to lose my “strong woman” card and have to start carrying a chihuahua around in a bag* and change my name to something that ends in an “i”.

What’s the point that this snarky self-helper is trying to make? Women shouldn’t be afraid to be honest with themselves. You know the idea of a man paying for dinner AND the movie, opening your car door and then killing a big-ass spider sounds like the perfect night. It’s okay. Even if you’ve thought this, you still deserve equal pay for equal work and the right to vote. And you can love pink and sparkles and still be a bad-ass feminist. Deal with it dudes.

* Turns out you cannot be a feminist and carry a small dog around in a bag. Goes completely against nature.