So I’ve decided to take a flying leap into the 1990’s and start a blog. ~What a magical medium for people to express themselves.~ Angry, crazy and downright boring people the world over can broadcast their opinions for anyone in the world to read. And now I’m one of them.

Before you start reading my blog here are a few helpful tips to guide you along the way:

1. Get familiar with this symbol: ~

• I have no idea what it is called. Sure, I could look it up, but why bother? Most people have never used this symbol in their life. In fact, you’re probably searching your keyboard right now trying to find where it is located.  I use this symbol occasionally to indicate extreme sarcasm. I say “extreme” sarcasm because pretty much everything I say is somewhat sarcastic. The “~” symbol is only used in the most severe cases, or just whenever I feel like it. Can you spot where I’ve used this symbol in the opening paragraph? If you can’t, stop reading now.

2. I’m just kidding… kind of:

• Just know when reading that I’m just kidding… for the most part. Sometimes I am being completely serious and totally offensive. But if I say I’m just kidding now, you’ll never know and I can say whatever I want.

3. Everything is stupid:

• No, really.

4. These things are awesome: Target, my iPhone and Wine

• See what I did there? I said one thing and then said the complete opposite. Get used to that.

Now get ready to have your life improved through the power of snark.