Have you ever run into an acquaintance and had that split second moment where you considered jumping into a rosebush so you didn’t have to talk to them? I bet you’re friends with them on Facebook.

Why does Facebook exist, really? It’s not really for professional networking, that’s LinkedIn. It’s not really to follow celebrities or companies, that’s Twitter. It’s not… eh… I won’t even bother mentioning MySpace because no one has logged in to that website for five years.

As far as I can tell Facebook is meant to help us keep in touch with friends, family and those acquaintances that we actually like. But that’s a dream world scenario.

In reality Facebook keeps us “connected” with a few key people and the other 250 (or 1,237 if you’re one of “those” people) are just filler.

Ask yourself this question: should you be “friends” with someone if seeing that it’s their birthday makes you think “ugh… do I really want to waste 20 seconds wishing them a happy birthday?” Or better yet, seeing it’s their birthday makes you go “it’s whose birthday?”

We all have them. The people who pop up on the screen and we’re annoyed before we even read what they’re going to say.

Oh, look! Another vegan recipe. When I decide to switch to that super expensive, not-allowed-to-eat-anything diet I’ll be all over that.

What’s that? Your kid used the potty for the first time? Let’s hope that doesn’t end up ranking in the top 10 achievements of their life. Judging by the fact that you just potty trained a five-year-old I’m thinking the chances aren’t looking too good…

There’s the irritating ex-neighbor who is obsessed with posting 80’s music videos. Ten YouTube videos in a row from a band whose drummer has been dead for 12 years. Each post with its own ever-so-ingenious caption such as “sweet song” or “Your gonna love this one. Its awesome” Catch the grammatical error there? Grammar jokes, people. Grammar jokes.

Then there is the elderly friend of your friend’s great-aunt that you met once at a wedding. They feel the need to share every “Repost this if you know someone who…” status that has ever been invented. This is the same women who will soon be ecstatic to learn she was chosen to inherit millions of dollars from an heiress – ha, that sounds like a British person saying hairless – Ugandan prince. All she has to do is send her social security number and bank account info. How could that ever be a bad idea?

What about that annoying friend with a blog who spends all her time pimping her latest entry and trying to get friends to “like” her page? They’re literally the worst.

Ugh! Or even worse… what about those idiots that are happy? Happy couples. Happy families. Happy cats. Vomit, puke, vomit. Go sell your crazy somewhere else, happy. We’re all full up here. Obviously I log onto Facebook to judge people, not be happy for them.

All joking aside, what’s this Snarky Self-Helper’s advice? Everyone on Facebook is annoying to someone. If you don’t like it, there’s this super simple solution called not logging on. Eh, who am I kidding? Being annoyed by people on Facebook is one of the greatest joys of Facebook. So let’s go stalk that weird co-worker… but first let me take a selfie.