16 Reasons to Vote for Trump

Sure, he doesn’t have any actual political experience and he bankrupted nearly every company he’s ever owned. Yeah, he started a literal scam “university” that destroyed people’s lives and stole all their money. Anyone who has ever heard the man talk or even just heard ABOUT what the man says would obviously know he has no business having any kind of political power.

And yet, it seems there are a shocking number of people planning to vote for him. This has left many of us asking ourself “why?” (well, it’s actually left a lot of us thinking “what the actual fuck is wrong with people?” but we don’t want to offend anyone with that kind of language).

While we may never truly understand the minds of these bizarre creatures, we can make some educated guesses on what types of personalities and life circumstances these idiots… I’m sorry, I mean people may have in common.

The next time you see a beat up truck blast past you on the highway with their confederate flag decals and “Make America Great Again” bumpersticker and wonder what literal type of brain damage that person must have, consider this list of possible reasons they’re choosing to support Drumpf:

  1. They’re racist.
  2. They’re sexist.
  3. They’re really, really racist.
  4. Combover fetish.
  5. They’ve been stockpiling zombie apocalypse supplies and are getting anxious to use them.
  6. They inherited a bomb shelter from their uncle (probably racist) so they’re feeling a little too confident about their ability to survive WWIII.
  7. They hate themselves.
  8. They hate America.
  9. They love America, but only that fake, movie version from the 1950’s where women happily do housework in heels and you only see a black person if they’re tap dancing.
  10. They like a man that “tells it like it is.”
  11. They don’t know the difference between being an asshole and “telling it like it is.”
  12. They love mansplaining.
  13. They love having someone mansplain to them.
  14. They’ve been in a coma since 2005 and LOVED The Apprentice (and like, haven’t had any time to do any research and obviously assume that since then Trump has had a lot of political experience because there is no way he’d be up for President based on being the host of a reality TV show and owning lots of tall, shiny buildings).
  15. They’re very, very rich (but also racist).
  16. No, but seriously, we all know they’re just hardcore racist with a huge helping of sexist thrown in.

So what’s Snarky Self-Helper’s point? Use your brain. Care about the well-being of other people (even the ones that are different than you). Don’t base your decisions on fear and anger. Register to vote.